Following the flame

By Michelle Brass CICA'02, BAJ'02 (Hons)

When she graduated from the University of Regina’s School of Journalism in 2002, Michelle Brass had the world by the tail. She was landing her dream jobs, including one at CBC Radio as the host of The Afternoon Edition. Then, just as her young career was skyrocketing, she gave it all up in search of a truer existence rooted in her Saulteaux heritage.

I ’ve always been driven by a strong sense of purpose. I vividly recall a moment from my childhood. I’m seven years old, staring at the side of my hand where my brown skin meets the lighter, paler skin of my palm. As I stare at the line where brown meets white, I am struck with a deep knowing, an understanding that I am both Indigenous and non-Indigenous, and that this is somehow significant. It’s one of my most powerful memories. It has defined the trajectory of my life.

"This deep longing to remember who I am is my spirit calling to me. It’s the spark, a fire lit within. Sometimes the blaze is strong and bright. Other times it’s an ember, a tiny point of light in the vast darkness. It never goes out."

Growing up, I struggled with my identity. My ancestry is mixed: Saulteaux on my mom’s side and English/Swiss on my dad’s side. Although I had deeper relationships with my extended family on my dad’s side, I have always felt a much stronger connection to my Saulteaux heritage.

Journalism school graduate Michelle Brass at her home on the Peepeekisis Cree Nation.

(Photo by Don  Hall)

I didn’t grow up with my culture or language. More than one hundred years of racist government policies aimed at assimilation made sure of that. During the residential school era, they tried to “kill the Indian in the child.” But they couldn’t, despite Canada’s best efforts. They could dim the flame, but could not extinguish the spark. That spark is our spirit. It is our blood memory. It is strong and it will always call us home.

A young Indigenous family sit at a dining table as sunlight floods in a window.
Brass enjoys some quality time with husband Phillip Brass and son, Forest in their Peepeekisis home. (Photo by Don Hall)

I’ve spent my life hearing that call. This deep longing to remember who I am is my spirit calling to me. It’s the spark, a fire lit within. Sometimes the blaze is strong and bright. Other times it’s an ember, a tiny point of light in the vast darkness. It never goes out. It’s the driving force behind everything I do. It guides me along a particular life path that’s been both a blessing and a burden.

I experience the deep fulfillment and joy of reconnecting to Indigenous ceremonies and teachings. I also engage with emotionally exhausting work that’s created the most anguish in my life; searching for a way to reconcile two completely different cultures inhabiting the same space, both figuratively and literally. My inner world and the outer world reflect the same struggle – Indigenous and non-Indigenous worldviews attempting, but failing, to live harmoniously. This dichotomy, and searching for a way to reconcile the two, has essentially become my life’s work, for better or for worse.

"I didn’t realize it at the time, but the pain I was experiencing was a very deep, profound grief over everything that has been taken from our people. I was grieving for something I never had the chance to have. But my spirit remembered and was crying out for me to recall, reconnect and reclaim our traditional ways of living."

This calling is what drove me to pursue a journalism career at 17. I believed if Canadians understood our shared history and Indigenous perspectives, we could create a stronger future. I had grand notions of building bridges between Indigenous and non-Indigenous people and healing this damaged relationship through storytelling.

My passion and purpose, my fire, propelled me forward. I completed the Indian Communication Arts program at the Saskatchewan Indian Federated College and graduated with distinction from the School of Journalism in 2002. I landed the internships of my choice and won competitive scholarships, including two major student awards from the Radio and Television News Directors Association. They are among the top national awards in the industry. I was offered jobs immediately upon graduation. The spark within me was ablaze. I was young, idealistic and ambitious.

Michelle Brass sits back on a couch writing on a laptop in her home.
Brass works on her writing at her home on Peepeekisis Cree Nation. (Photo by Don Hall)

Over the next decade, I built my career and landed my dream jobs. I was a TV and radio reporter for CBC Saskatchewan. I did corporate communications for the City of Regina and the Federation of Sovereign Indigenous Nations. I was recruited as editor of Shout, a glossy, monthly magazine for Indigenous youth across the province. I landed my own provincial talk show on CJME NewsTalk Radio. I wrote a monthly column for the Saskatoon StarPhoenix and Regina Leader-Post. I was host of The Afternoon Edition on CBC Radio in Saskatchewan. All of my dreams had come true.

Except they really hadn’t.

Behind my career success, I experienced incredible emotional and spiritual pain due to unresolved intergenerational trauma. The weight of my anguish was crushing me and nothing seemed to help. Deep down, I knew my healing would come from my culture and ceremony. I yearned and searched for my cultural teachings. I learned bits and pieces here and there but, without family connections to my culture, I hit a lot of dead ends.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but the pain I was experiencing was a very deep, profound grief over everything that has been taken from our people. I was grieving for something I never had the chance to have. But my spirit remembered and was crying out for me to recall, reconnect and reclaim our traditional ways of living.

Brass was a rising star in the journalism field until she turned her back on her chosen career to focus on Indigenous food sovereignty, climate change, Indigenous health and wellness and personal healing and transformation. (Photo by Don Hall)
Brass was a rising star in the journalism field until she turned her back on her chosen career to focus on Indigenous food sovereignty, climate change, Indigenous health and wellness and personal healing and transformation. (Photo by Don Hall)

Some people say we lost our culture, language and way of life. My journalism career taught me the importance of language and word selection. We didn’t lose our culture as though we were careless. That’s like saying we lost our keys. Our entire way of life — everything — was maliciously stolen from us. It’s important to say that, to tell the truth. If the idea of reconciliation is to be a real possibility (and I’m not at all convinced that it is, at least not in my lifetime), we must start by telling the truth of what happened and continues to happen on these lands.

This desire to tell the truth and begin healing this relationship is what inspired me to pursue journalism over other professions. Throughout my career, I maintained a deep commitment to covering Indigenous stories in a fair and accurate manner and to covering all stories with integrity and excellence. I’d like to think I made a difference through my news stories, interviews and writing. I poured my heart and soul into this work to help build a stronger future for all of us.

"So just like that, I quit my career. My passion and purpose were gone. Without it, the work felt hollow and meaningless."

But one day, out of the blue, it all felt like a total waste of my time and energy. I was spending my life inside a newsroom feeding a never-ending news cycle instead of doing the real work of picking up the pieces of our culture that our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents left behind. Suddenly everything felt futile and silly. I couldn’t stand the newsroom, the on-air banter and five-minute interviews. Even more, I couldn’t stand having to continually educate my colleagues about Indigenous-Canadian facts and history, battling ridiculous stereotypes and reading racist comments on online news stories. I was completely done with it all.

So just like that, I quit my career. My passion and purpose were gone. Without it, the work felt hollow and meaningless. Not only was I done with journalism, I wanted nothing to do with building bridges between Indigenous and non-Indigenous people. I was done with that too. My flame had been snuffed out.

It’s taken me eight years to realize the fire is still there. An ember, burning steadily, guiding me and steering me in ways I didn’t understand or welcome at the time.

After leaving journalism, my husband and I moved to Peepeekisis Cree Nation. In the first year we spent a lot of time with wonderful Cree knowledge keepers attending ceremonies, picking medicines and learning teachings. Our son was born and we continued down this path, going to the lodges and learning and living by the teachings as best we could. We’re deeply committed to this way of life. Ceremonies and teachings set the foundation for everything we do.

Michelle Brass facilitates a session of JourneyDance.
Brass (centre in purple) facilitates a session of JourneyDance, a therapeutic dance form that uses music, freestyle movement and imagery to release emotions and create healing. (Photo courtesy of Michelle Brass)

I also searched for a new career. I became an integrative nutrition health coach and took on some clients. I discovered JourneyDance, a therapeutic dance form that uses music, freestyle movement and imagery to release emotions and create healing in our lives. I completed three modules of intensive training to become a JourneyDance certified facilitator and began to lead classes and workshops. I also studied at the Martha Beck Institute for a year to become a life coach. These modalities, combined with Indigenous ceremonies as my foundation, started me on a path of deep healing. I wanted to share these tools with others on a similar path. Everything in my life was centred around holistic health, healing and living in a place of freedom and joy. I was excited to lead workshops and coaching programs to help people live lives full of purpose and meaning.

"It stoked the fire within and now it blazes red hot. My passion and purpose have returned. I stand, with my ancestors behind me, for the water, air, soil, animals, plants and our future with a fierce love and determination."

It was a wonderful period of transition, discovery and healing. Throughout this time, however, I couldn’t shake a sense of duty and responsibility to bring Indigenous and non-Indigenous people together. I tried repeatedly to let it go, but the idea wouldn’t let go of me. I didn’t want to work in the intersections of Indigenous and non-Indigenous anymore. But my lineage includes both the colonized and the colonizers, and so it seems the work I came here to do sits firmly within that realm.

It has become painfully clear to me that I can quit my career but I can’t quit my calling. The spark that drove me to succeed is still there, guiding me forward. It’s my ancestors calling me to do my part. As an Indigenous woman, I have a responsibility to my community, particularly to our children. We receive guidance in our lodges. We all have work to do. For me, that is accepting and honouring my identity and heritage by working with both Indigenous and non-Indigenous peoples to work out how we will share this space in a way that provides a good life for all.

Michelle Brass and friends at Standing Rock proptest.
Brass with friends at Standing Rock Indian Reservation, site of the Dakota Access Pipeline protest. (Photo courtesy of Michelle Brass)

In December 2016, I went to Standing Rock for ten days to support our Lakota brothers and sisters protecting the water. I spent my time with the Indigenous midwives in the medic camp. We shared stories, songs and teachings with one another about the role of our women as we protect Mother Earth and live according to her natural laws. To say the experience was profound feels trite. It created a deep shift in me and brought everything in my life into sharp focus.

I left there with a renewed commitment to work for the Creator, to heed the guidance of the Grandmothers and Grandfathers (our spirit guides), to be in service to Mother Earth, women and future generations. It stoked the fire within and now it blazes red hot. My passion and purpose have returned. I stand, with my ancestors behind me, for the water, air, soil, animals, plants and our future with a fierce love and determination.

"My work is about developing my relationship with the land and understanding and respecting our natural laws. It’s about learning our languages, ceremonies, teachings and way of life. This is what will heal us. This is what will save us."

I’ve resisted for a very long time but I’ve finally found my way back to wanting to heal the relationship between Indigenous and non-Indigenous peoples. It’s different now. It’s evolved. Before, I focused on healing the past. Now, it’s about standing up for our future. We’ve been warned in our ceremonies about hard times coming. Climate change poses the greatest threat we’ve ever faced and will require extreme changes on a massive scale. We must work together. Traditional Indigenous knowledge is vital for the survival of our children and grandchildren. It always has been.

I no longer have any interest in trying to change colonial systems to improve the lives of Indigenous people. Instead, my focus is on strengthening our traditional knowledge systems and adhering to our ancient teachings. My work is about developing my relationship with the land and understanding and respecting our natural laws. It’s about learning our languages, ceremonies, teachings and way of life. This is what will heal us. This is what will save us.

For years, I’ve tried to walk in two worlds; to discover who I am and connect to my roots, while simultaneously achieving success in my career and western society. But I’ve come to realize we’re not meant to walk in two worlds. We’re meant to walk in one world. The real world. The world of grass and soil and land, the world of water and air and trees and plants. The world of the four-legged and the winged and water creatures. The world of relationships and kinship. The real, natural world where Mother Earth is calling for all of us to remember who we are and how to live with her and with one another.

About the Author

Michelle Brass is a writer, speaker, health and life coach, and workshop facilitator deeply committed to the health and well-being of Indigenous peoples and communities. Currently, much of her work is focused on the areas of Indigenous food sovereignty, climate change, Indigenous health and wellness, and personal healing and transformation. Brass takes a holistic approach in her life and work, incorporating all aspects of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health rooted in an Indigenous approach to community well-being. She is on the Steering Committee for Indigenous Climate Action. She is a member of the Yellow Quill First Nation and resides on Peepeekisis Cree Nation with her husband and son. You can learn more about her work at www.michellebrass.com.

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The College Avenue Campus Renewal Project has a special place in Margaret Anne Hodges’ heart, as the campus has touched the lives of four generations of her family.

Her grandmother, Anne Owen “Nancy” Goodfellow, took voice and piano lessons at the Conservatory and performed as an original member of the Elizabethan Singers in Darke Hall. Her mother, Alice Goodfellow BA’43, also pursued piano lessons and performed on campus, and later took classes through the Seniors’ Education Centre (now the Lifelong Learning Centre) after retiring from her career as a pediatrician. In her later years, Alice became increasingly concerned with the deterioration of the College Avenue Campus.

Hodges joined about 150 others for the official re-opening of the newly renovated space on October 5.

Hodges jokes that she is the “only person in her family to have never taken a class at the Conservatory,” but notes that Darke Hall was instrumental in her meeting her husband, Ed Willett (who did take classes at the Conservatory), as they both sang with Regina Lyric Musical Theatre in the venue.

Together, Hodges and Willett continue the long-time family commitment to supporting the arts in Regina and the College Avenue Campus. The family donated toward the Campus Renewal Project, and a classroom in the College Building bears the name of Dr. Alice Goodfellow Hodges. Hodges and Willett’s daughter, also named Alice, performs in music festivals and dances on stage with the Do It With Class theatre company, making her the fourth generation to benefit from programming at the campus.

Hodges and her family believe that education is the key to success and that music is part of a basic education. “Arts and intellectual pursuits go together. Science and art are similar – they build brain patterns and structures and help individuals to develop discipline and skill sets,” she says.

Margaret Anne Hodges and daughter Alice Willett Representing four generations of Regina residents whose lives have been touched by College Avenue Campus are (left to right) Margaret Anne Hodges and daughter Alice Willett. The pair pose in the revitalized College Building in a classroom named for Hodges’ mother, Dr. Alice Goodfellow Hodges. (Photo by Rae Graham)

The next phase of the revitalization of the College Avenue Campus includes the completion of a new Conexus Credit Union head office and an atrium that provides accessible access to a refurbished Darke Hall.

(Artist rendering courtesy of P3Architecture Partnership)

The Hodges' beloved College Avenue Campus is also home to the University’s Centre for Continuing Education, including the Lifelong Learning Centre and the Conservatory of Performing Arts. It is also the location of the Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy (JSGS), one of Canada’s leading policy schools.

Located on the third floor, the JSGS space is large enough to house all faculty and staff, as well as over 4,600 square feet of classroom, meeting and breakout space, and an open-concept lounge space dedicated to JSGS students.

October 5, 2018 ribbon cutting at College Avenue Campus Ribbon cutting ceremony at the October 5 grand re-opening of the College Building (left to right) Dr. Thomas Chase, Provost and Vice-President (Academic); The Honourable Ralph Goodale, Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness; Dr. Vianne Timmons, President and Vice-Chancellor; Tina Beaudry-Mellor, Minister of Advanced Education; Mayor Michael Fougere. (Photo by Rae Graham)

Classrooms have been fitted with video conferencing technologies, and the new, modern features serve to enhance teaching and learning. Not to mention, the new atrium provides street-level access to the College Building and elevator access to all floors. Having all aspects of the school under one roof creates greater opportunities for collaboration and conversation between students and faculty.

“There's no better place to learn from Saskatchewan's leading public service and administration experts than at the JSGS in the newly renovated historic College Avenue Campus,” says Master of Public Administration student Jocelyn Crivea. “It is a fabulous space that overlooks Wascana Lake and the Legislative Building. I can't think of a nicer space in the city.”

Doug Moen, interim executive director of Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy one of Canada’s leading policy schools. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin) Doug Moen, interim executive director of Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy one of Canada’s leading policy schools. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin)

With the Saskatchewan Legislative Building just across the water, interim Executive Director Doug Moen recognizes the move to College Avenue as a great opportunity for the JSGS to develop greater connections with the Government of Saskatchewan.

“Our relocation to the College Avenue Campus is already proving to be an excellent asset for our graduate students who visualize a career in public service,” says Moen. “It also has expanded the opportunity for teaching and learning within the public sector, providing space for public servants to take advantage of the school’s executive education programs.”

The move also allows for the establishment of the Centre for the Study of Science and Innovation Policy (CSIP), an initiative that also helped secure crucial funding from the Government of Canada’s Strategic Investment Fund.

“We’re going to see new vibrant uses in these buildings, and we’re going to also see activity back on the site that we haven’t seen because the buildings could not be used to their full potential.”

“With the new space on our Regina campus, we are looking forward to expanding the Centre’s research and outreach in Saskatchewan’s capital,” says Peter Phillips, the Centre’s director and research lead on bioscience and food policy.

“This development will be a great opportunity to better connect with students and faculty in Regina to continue the facilitation of CSIP’s significant research endeavours."

Just a few years ago, the condition of the College Avenue Campus, which each year welcomes more than 8,000 learners and hosts dozens of community and cultural events, was a growing concern to members of the University community. After more than 100 years of use, the historic buildings were deteriorating. The heating system was unreliable – a problem in -30 degree weather – and there was a lack of air conditioning – a problem in +30 degree weather.

Harvey King, director of the Continuing Education Centre, tells a heartbreaking story of a father who was unable to go to any of his daughter’s recitals because of the lack of wheelchair access. With the College Avenue Campus Renewal Project, all of that has changed. The entrances are at ground level with ramps, and an elevator eliminates the need to climb the steep and seemingly endless staircases.

King's own daughter took classes in the fifth floor of the tower when she was three years old. “She doesn’t remember anything about the classes, but she still remembers the stairs,” King laughs.

Other issues addressed by the renewal project included the addition of sprinkler systems, air conditioning and energy efficiency upgrades, as well as bringing emergency exits up to code.

Announced in 2011, the $63.6 million College Avenue Campus Renewal Project involved the renovation of the College Building, Tower and Conservatory façade, and construction of new additions at the east and west ends of the College Building.

Harvey King, director of the Continuing Education Centre. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin) Harvey King, director of the Continuing Education Centre. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin)

Funding for the project included: a $28.7 million contribution from the Government of Canada’s Strategic Investment Fund (SIF); a donation of 2.6 acres of land from the City of Regina; and approximately $25 million in private and in-kind donations, including a unique $8.25 million partnership with Conexus Credit Union.

Artist rendering of the Conexus atrium that will solve accessibility issues to a refurbished Darke Hall. (Artist rendering courtesy of P3Architecture Partnership) Artist rendering of the Conexus atrium that will solve accessibility issues to a refurbished Darke Hall. (Artist rendering courtesy of P3Architecture Partnership)

“Conexus Credit Union has been a great partner,” says University of Regina President Vianne Timmons. “They are not a usual business – they’re a customer-owned, Saskatchewan-based co-operative. They have always been a supporter of arts and education in the province – the Conexus Arts Centre is a great example. They also have programs to provide financial planning and support to seniors. This project would have been impossible without their funding,” she adds.

The renovated College Building was ready in time for the start of classes in September. The restoration preserved numerous heritage elements, while upgrading the institution into a modern teaching facility. The four-storey Conservatory façade remains, and 16,000 bricks were repurposed, primarily on the west side of the Tower.

“Conexus Credit Union has been a great partner,” says University of Regina President Vianne Timmons.

All exterior steel windows, including hardware and hinges, were reused. Interior and exterior windows were repaired or refurbished, including interior wood sashes and new double-pane glass for energy efficiency. The upgrades include smart classrooms that are modern, safe and accessible, and wired for video conferencing, computers, data projection and audio. The campus is the perfect blend of old and new.

Carol Reyda, project manager for construction at the University oversaw the project on behalf of the University of Regina.

(Photo by Trevor Hopkin)

Carol Reyda, project manager for construction at the University, notes that the design for the additions to the College Building referenced the University of Regina's master plan from more than a century ago. The College Avenue Campus heritage buildings are early and exceptional examples of Collegiate Gothic architecture. “The goal for the new construction was not to recreate the heritage buildings, but to create a backdrop so they can really shine,” she says.

Plans for landscaping around the building were also taken from the original master plans. The campus was meant to have buildings on four sides and a courtyard inside. The drop-off loop at the back of the building is reminiscent of this courtyard feel. The new entrance to the front of the College Building is in the Tower, which was in the master plan but was filled with bricks instead. By opening up the archway and adding glass, you can see through the building to the lake on the other side.

“It’s reverting to those original plans of the building, where you enter the space and connect with Wascana Park,” Reyda says.

Donald Luxton, the of head of Donald Luxton and Associates, Western Canada’s foremost cultural and historical management company and the consultant working on the University’s College Avenue Campus Renewal Project, says the College Avenue Campus is one of the more historically significant sites in Western Canada.

“Many people have amazing connections to the campus. Sites like this really tell us about early Regina residents who lived here before we did, and they tell us about the potential for the future. It gives us some deeper meaning in our cities. I think these are all things that are crucial about maintaining historic landmarks.”

Donald Luxton, the head of Donald Luxton and Associates, Western Canada’s foremost cultural and historical management company and the consultant working on the University’s College Avenue Campus Renewal Project. Shown here inside Darke Hall. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin) Donald Luxton, the head of Donald Luxton and Associates, Western Canada’s foremost cultural and historical management company and the consultant working on the University’s College Avenue Campus Renewal Project. Shown here inside Darke Hall. (Photo by Trevor Hopkin)

President Timmons emphasizes the importance the donor community played in realizing the project. “Donors and the community were essential to the project’s success,” she says. “Because they are passionate about the College Avenue Campus, it inspired the project team to create something worthy of their interest. Without the donors and the community involvement, this project wouldn’t have happened. It’s a community building, and the University knows that, appreciates that and values that.”

The most rewarding aspect of the project for Reyda was when she poked her head into a classroom at the end of one of the first days of classes and asked an instructor what she thought of the space. “She raved about the acoustics and how nice and bright the rooms are. One staff member pulled me aside and said, ‘I feel like I’m coming to a palace every time I come to work.’ It’s rewarding when the users appreciate it and feel it’s a good functioning and inspiring building.”

“I'm proud to see a major federal program like the Strategic Investment Fund supporting the revitalization of the College Avenue campus,” says Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, Ralph Goodale BA’71, who was on hand for the official re-opening in early October. “State of the art construction techniques are preserving a heritage building and transforming it into an innovative space for the Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy, continuing education for adults and the new Centre for the Study of Science and Innovation Policy – all in all a very valuable investment.”

Although she regrets that her mother passed away before seeing the College Building renewed, Margaret Anne Hodges is excited to see the space revitalized.

“Having an inspiring building that is set for the 21st century helps to ground students and support them into the future. It shows students that we care – we support you in your learning endeavours and believe in you,” she says.

“This is a wonderful day for the University of Regina."

“This is a wonderful day for the University of Regina,” remarked President Timmons at the re-opening. “The beautiful, historic College Building is a legacy that was left for us by forward-thinking members of our community more than a century ago. Revitalizing it over the past few years to make it a modern, accessible place of learning in the heart of Regina was once again a community endeavour, and we owe a great debt of thanks to the many dedicated individuals and organizations who provided the necessary support.”

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